Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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