Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
