I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
