i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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