I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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