Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
