Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
