5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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