i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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