he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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