and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
