shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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