I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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