i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
