dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
