i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
