So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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