what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
