I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
