how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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