I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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