Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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