I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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