took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So squirting runs in the family.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize