i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
