What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
