forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
