There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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