why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
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Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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