I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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