You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
