Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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