i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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