Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
