where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
