i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
