My girlfriend figured out who you are.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
