yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
