A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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