her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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