There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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