If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
