either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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