every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
