I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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