mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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