Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
