When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
