Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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