Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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