No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
