This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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