we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
