Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
