i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
