we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
