Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize