I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
