so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
